she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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