I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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