I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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