What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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