Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
