I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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