He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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