This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
