Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
