I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
