I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
