I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
