This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
