You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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