Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
