I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
