get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
