just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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