Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
