Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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