i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
