why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
