omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
