a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
