i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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