take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just invented taco cereal.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Bring me that man meat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
