She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
