I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
