one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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