i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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