do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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