The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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