Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
