I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
