so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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