I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
