If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
