He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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