Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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