the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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