i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
