I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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