my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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