I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
