I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
