I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
