Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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