Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
