she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm both gender and math confused
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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