the new term for farting is butt boxing.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
