i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
