It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
